For too many years, I’ve been gaslighted by people close to me. “They don’t need to support your music, to be your friend” they would tell me, or “There’s friends for music and friends for other things”. See, the crazy thing is, for the last 13 years that I’ve been an artist, I believed them when they would tell me these things.

All through high school, all through college, and even as an adult, I’ve given time, and energy to people who don’t give a damn about my art.

Sending my art to someone who I consider a close friend, only to have them send back something satirical, or worse yet - ghost me; That might be one of the worst feelings in the world. Still, this pattern, I repeated for over a decade. Worse yet, I would play my music in person to people I considered close friends, or even family members and get the same responses. Allowing myself to be subjected to these toxic relationships only slowed me down. Often, I would believe them, I would second guess the song, or album that I had worked so hard on, I might not even release it. I stopped playing my music in front of friends and family for years, because of this fear.

I let their toxic energy and opinions derail my success.
 

But not anymore.

See, over the last 22 months, during this journey I’ve been on, to become healthier - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually: I’ve come to a few conclusions. First, there is no relationship worth having if they don’t support you in everything you do. This doesn’t just apply to artists like me, it can apply to anyone. You deserve to surround yourself with people who believe that your wildest and craziest dreams can actually be possible. Second, you have to stand up for yourself in these situations and be honest with the other person. If they don’t support your art, or your dreams, tell them how much that hurts you. If they respond with compassion and understanding, give them time to change their behavior, if they do, they deserve a second chance. Sometimes people who are close to you, just might not understand how big of a deal something is to you. Even if that seems impossible in your mind, because it’s such a big deal to you. If they don’t change their behavior after you’ve had an honest conversation with them, then they don’t deserve to be in your life. You need to have these conversations in person, alone with the other person. Not over text, or over the phone in any way.

You have to understand that some people are not meant to be in your life anymore, because they do not align with the person you are becoming. They serve an old version of yourself that you have now shed. Continuing to force yourself to be friends with someone because you have been for so long, or continuing to have contact with a family member who makes you feel bad about yourself, are not ways in which you become a changed person.

Mel Robbins, a New York Times Bestseller, motivational speaker, and viral podcast host said “How they treat you is how they feel about you – Give the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate your presence.” This is one of the most powerful quotes I’ve heard on this subject. There are over 8 billion people in the world, chances are there are so many humans who will support you, and will make you feel validated - or seen. Stop wasting your time and efforts on friendships, relationships, or family bonds that don’t serve you. If you’ve tried everything you can, and had those honest conversations, and they still treat you poorly or invalidate your art, or your passions, believe them when they show you exactly who they are.

Recently, I had my own personal experience with this. I had a family member who is a pathological liar and narcissist, who has repeatedly treated me poorly and negatively affected my health, my entire life. Still, I felt like I was the bad person if I cut them out of my life. I thought that because they were one of my few remaining close family members, that I had to continue my relationship with them. This is not a healthy way to think. 

Just a few weeks ago, I made the very difficult decision to end contact with them, and block them from seeing my social media.

I want to make something very clear: None of what we’re talking about will be easy, but cutting toxic people out of your life is not only necessary, but your future depends on it.

Life is too short not to pursue your wildest dreams, and there are plenty of other obstacles in your way, don’t let people in your own life - in your own circle, be the thing that stops you from achieving them! 

You are in control.