You’ve been lied to about control. For most of our lives, we are conditioned to believe that we have the power to control the people around us. I have a person in my life who I’m thinking about right now, in particular, that always tries to control the moment, and everything, and everyone around them in their environment. We think that we have the power to control others, especially. This couldn’t be further from the truth. 

See, the fact is, we can only control one thing, and that is our own mind. We can control how we react to a situation, we can control our own thoughts, and our own actions. But, you have to let adults be adults. Human beings will always make the decisions that are best for themselves, you cannot control that. Personally, I struggled with this for most of my adulthood. I spent so much time and energy trying to control those around me, trying to force them to do what I thought was best for them. This constant need for control left me drained, and worse of all, it left me totally frustrated. 

Recently, I read a book that has completely changed my life, and it’s going to change yours too. It was called “The Let Them Theory” by, you guessed it, one of my favorite authors and people: Mel Robbins. This book has single handedly changed my life in every way. It has transformed the way I see human beings - every minute of every day. I no longer view the interactions I have with others as personal, but rather, I understand that they are just doing what is best for themselves. They aren’t making decisions with me in mind, actually, they’re not thinking about me at all. They are thinking about themselves. They are doing things every day that they think will benefit themselves. So Let Them. 

Stop trying to control your friends to think the way you do, stop trying to control your partner or spouse to think the way that you want them to. Stop trying to control your children to have the same beliefs that you do. Let your co-workers have their opinions, let your employees or team act how they want to. Stop micromanaging your team at work because you think you will only achieve success if you have control over them. You will never, listen to me, be able to control another human being. They will always do what is best for themselves. 

“Focusing on what you can’t control makes you stressed. Focusing on what you can control makes you powerful.” - Mel Robbins

I want you to take a deep breath with me: inhale for four seconds - exhale for four seconds *pause for four seconds* and repeat four times. 

Say this out loud with me: You can only control you. 

Boom. 

That one sentence will change your entire life. Let’s say it again, this time say it louder: You can only control you. There is no world that exists where you can control anyone else, so stop stressing over it, and start putting in the work to control your own thoughts and actions. Focus all of your energy on yourself today. While at work, focus on how you're treating yourself in your own mind. Are you speaking to yourself in a kind way? Are you setting realistic goals for yourself? Are you focusing on self-care? When you woke up this morning, did you check social media first thing to see how others were living their lives, or did you leave your device on the charger and journal and meditate for an hour? Stop focusing on other humans, stop trying to control people in your life, or at work. Start focusing all that energy that you used to waste on controlling your own thoughts. 

“Pressure doesn’t create change—it creates resistance to it. When you try to exert control over someone else’s behavior, they instinctively resist your attempt to try to control them.” - Mel Robbins